All it takes is the lycra

Yesterday I felt awful. It was the end of my hell week, I had just had two exams, I was getting my usual stress letdown headache that frequently becomes a migraine, and I hadn't been sleeping enough. But I had promised myself that I would go for a ride that evening. So when I got home from school I gave myself until 5:30 to sleep, and then woke up still feeling tired and awful. But, I was determined to at least try to get a real ride in before the thunderstorms hit. So I start to change into my team kit. Like magic, as soon as I'm dressed to ride I feel energized and motivated. I go out there and get on my bike and my mood seems to improve with each pedal stroke. Instead of the ordeal that I had been expecting, that ride ended up being exactly what I needed. My headache went away, my mood lifted and the world just disappeared for a little while.

Fast forward to this evening. The plan was to meet Bernie for a ride around 5:30 after my class picnic. I got home and seriously considered calling and canceling because my headache was back and I was tired again. But, I had made a commitment so I started to get changed. Once again all it took was getting myself into the lycra cycling gear and I felt just fine. Once on my bike I felt even better. By the time I got to the designated meeting spot, I was feeling up for a couple hours of riding. I told Bernie as much and so he picked a route from his mental repertoire and off we went. Around mile 30 and close to 2 hours into our ride I was completely lost and Bernie asked me how far we'd gone. Turns out he doesn't have a computer on his bike so he had no idea. I told him and he was surprised, to say the least. I think he said something like, "Umm... I gues we should start heading home then..." I'm thinking that we're probably just doing a big loop and home should only be about a half hour away. I was wrong. Home was another hour and a half and almost 30 more miles away. Luckily Bernie is like a superhero and pulled almost the entire way back. So my nearly canceled ride that should have been a couple of hours ended up being about 60 miles and 3.5 hours. But I was smiling at the end and Bernie and I plan to do it again on Sunday. All I have to do is put on my lycra and I'll be ready to go.

The well is empty

I haven't been on my race bike since Tuesday. The weather is beautiful, there's no real reason not to ride, but the excuses keep piling up in my head. I'm overwhelmed with schoolwork (although the mountain is shrinking), frustrated with my poor showing at the crit, scared I'll have another poor showing at the next race, and there's no one here to get me out on my bike but myself.

Then I read this. If you're ever struggling to understand why I fell head over heels for cycling in such a short time, read some of this blog, particularly the favorites in the sidebar. If you still don't get it, I just can't help you. That particular post articulates how I'm feeling right now perfectly. When I look for my motivation, it's just not there. But it will come back, maybe later today, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. In the meantime, I'll be working through that shrinking mountain of reading and trying not to think about the race on Tuesday.